Wedding Problems?

So I'm usually a very layed back person. I'm getting married in a couple months and I'm soo stressed out. The main reason is because my future mother in law is driving me insane! She went out with my future sister in law and had my furture sis pick out all my wedding acessories like (guestbook, cake cutting stuff, wedding glasses etc.) I'm soo upset because I don't like any of the stuff it isn't me at all. I don't know what to do. I think I should of been asked what I would of really liked. Am I wrong to think this?

Wedding Problems?performing arts center

I would recommend you still go ahead and purchase the wedding accessories you would like for your wedding ceremony and reception. But to keep the peace, I would let them know that you have already made plans for your accessories but would like to use the accessories they purchased for your rehearsal dinner. This way, you still get to choose what you want for your wedding and at the same time you are still using the items that purchased without your input.

Wedding Problems?sunshine opera theater

You are not wrong, but be mature in how you handle it. You don't have to use it, but don't go throwing a fit. Talk to her about it calmly or go out and buy your own and use those. Tell her you want the wedding to reflect you and your fiance and you feel these are better choices. Good Luck b/c if it is hard now, it will get worse.
Ask for the receipt and return it all or graciously say "Thank you for the offer, but my fiance and I have picked out ours already" (even if you haven't, it is none of their business on that).

Just because they bought it doesn't mean you should have to use it, just because they want to be rude and not consult with you first.

I would be upset and I would not accept those things, but turn them down nicely as being appreciative, but reflecting THEY should have thought about what YOU wanted before they bought these things.

Common sense.
ugh... hopefully this was a well-meaning faux-pas on their part and not trying to take over your wedding.

Are you wrong to think and feel the way you do? Absolutely not. It's your wedding and you do have the right to have things you like.

The one question that popped into my mind is whether or not she thought she was asked (or maybe WAS asked - check with your man) to take care of these details. If so, the best you can do is say something like "I can't thank you enough for taking this over for me. They're lovely, but I have to be honest, they just don't fit my personality. Can we have a "girl's afternoon" next Saturday and shop for them together?

Now, if that isn't going to work, or she did this all on her own, you are under no obligation to use the items. Be gracious and polite and if possible, see if they can be used elsewhere during the big day.

And one other thing - since this is "in law" stuff, make sure you and your guy are on the same page with all this. With all the pre-wedding stress, the last thing you need is an argument about family.
Its your day not theirs. You need to tell them or get your groom to tell them that they are returning all the things they picked out because you and the groom are going to do it together as a couple. Tell them that your glad that they are helping but you would like to do this with the groom. And that you will let them know if you need their help for other things. You need to be upfront with them or they are going to over rule the wedding with their ideas and it wont seem like your the one getting married. You need to stand up and make it clear. Be nice about it just make it clear that this is what you should be doing not them.
You know what, she probably did it with good intentions BUT that does not make it right so politely let them know you don't like them and would prefer to be there when purchasing anything for YOUR wedding.
This is not her wedding, it is yours and your mans. So have him take care of this problem. He can nicely go to his mother and let her know that you have something different in mind, thanks for the effort, but that you already picked out what you like and this is your day, so your choices will be the ones you use. He should step up, guys don't do anything in the wedding prep, the least he can do is help you with dealing with his mother.

OR

You could go buy what you want and then go to her and thank her for her offer, but you already have these things.

Try not to burn bridges, try to build new ones. Give her something to do for you, that you don't have a preference on. Or ask her to help you with options of something. That way you still make the final decision and she gets to help. She has her own daughter to torcher.
It is your wedding, but this is also your family. Having said that, when I got married, I included my sister-in-law in the wedding party to be nice. She took over everything and drove me crazy! I bit my tongue the entire time! How well do you get along with your sister-in-law? Maybe you could get her to go with you and return and pick out some new items. Tell her you had something else in mind, or they don't go with your theme or colors. Try and be polite, but most important, this is your day, enjoy!
No, you are not wrong. Just have her return them, explain politely that they are not what you wanted, and buy what you like.
It sounds like my ex mother in law. Run, Run, Run!!!! If they live close by DONT GET MARRIED!!
i think that you and your fiance need to have a talk with them and tell them your feelings on the whole situation-she may think that you are way too busy with other things and wanted to help-or she may be like most mother-in-laws that want it there way-and they can do whatever they want-what ever the case something needs to be said or your whole marriage will be that way as well if you don't stand up for yourself!
Absolutely not.

You will run into this alot with people. I cant tell you how many toasting flutes we got as gifts. I used NONE of them. I picked what I wanted.

If you dont like them, say thank you and go right ahead and purchase your own. You are under NO obligation to use anything that someone gives you as a gift.

Dont worry and DONT let anyone spoil this kind of stuff for you, planning should be a fun and exciting time for you, and you are allowed to be picky and have exactly what you want, it doesnt make you a "bridezilla" (I hate that term anyway).

Good luck!
Nope, you are not wrong to say that.........I was be completly upset..........Maybe you can talk with her and tell her how you feel or have your fiance talk to her, or if she is stubbern like mine, I wish you the best of luck, she talks and talks, and then runs are mouth about anything she can..........so, I say take it back and buy what you want, it is your wedding not theirs and always remember you are getting married to the fiance, you are not getting married to his family.........My dad told me that once when my m-i-l was driving me nuts, and that is when I finally "got it" I wish you the best, and just do things the way YOU want to...it is YOUR day, not theirs!
No

I think you have a right to be upset they should have consulted with you or maybe offered to buy the things but you can come and help them with a decision of what to choose. Especially if you had a theme in mind and this stuff is all wrong. Sorry to hear that a tough situation I would just ask if they don't mind bringing it back and picking something out that is more in the theme or colors you were thinking.
Remember this is YOUR wedding YOUR special day be respectful but dont let them take over. I suggest you bring in a professional like a wedding planner She'll tell your future mother-in-law she's got it all taking care of because she will she'll show you things and have you pick them out and order it. It'll be prefect
You are completely right to feel the way you do! It's your day and it should be done your way. Try calmly explaining to them that's not what you had in mind or just "lose" them and buy your own! If they mention anything you can apologize for losing them and later in your marriage "stubble across them"! ask if they would like them!
I had the same problem... everyone wanting to plan our wedding...especially the mom in law. We decided to elope... but a week or so before we left we told them and asked if they wanted to go.... in the end we paid for everyones lodging...but got the wedding we wanted (and saved a lot of money in the process!). They should have asked you, but sometimes that is not how the cookie crumbles. My mom in law is awesome now... and I realize that she was just trying to help. In the end, everyone was happy and we were happily married.
Sounds like you are 12 years old!! It's very simple, it's YOUR wedding you get to pick and choose whatever you want or like. SOOOOOOOOOO if you already got what they bought you, return it or exchange it for whatever you want.
If you don't like it, you don't have to use it. It's your wedding, you get to choose!
I've never understood the whole process, expense and unnecessary stress of a formal wedding. My husband and I were married by judge and we've been together 17+ years and I don't regret it one bit.

However, since you choose to go the traditional route, you must simply be firm with your wishes. And when it comes to your inlaws, especially your husband's mother, you must not only be firm, but be careful of damaging the relationship. I don't think it's such a big deal which things she picked out, she obviously wants to take part in the celebration so why don't you meet with her and your sister-in-law for lunch and ask them what they'd like to do to help, assign them tasks and responsibilities they'd so obviously enjoy taking on.

It's not that difficult to placate people if you just understand their needs. And lose the idea that your wedding day is all about YOU. It's not. It's a celebration of the joining of TWO people, of TWO FAMILIES. Include them.

Best wishes.
No, you are not wrong. Order what YOU want and have it delivered. Let them know you have ordered those items and thank them anyway. You can subltly letthem know they need to check with you about anything else so they do not duplicate your efforts. You could also assigne them a task to keep them involved in a way that is acceptable to you.
The stuff isn't you, and they should have asked first. Did you tell them you didn't have that stuff? If not, go pick out a new guestbook and one other item that you feel needs to be completely you, tell her you already had that item and use it during your wedding.

If you want a long-lasting relationship with your FMIL, you will need to give a little. That does NOT mean being a doormat.
No you are not wrong, it is your day and you should have some say in the matter. Maybe you should talk to them, let them know that you appreciate their help, but they should have asked you about it first. Even if you are not paying for the wedding, you still should be able to pick what you want because it's your wedding. It sounds like they picked things that they wanted for their wedding. Talk to them, then talk to your soon to be hubby let him know what has been done and how you feel about it. I think picking that stuff out should be between you and your hubby because you two will have to look at it as a memory of that joyous occasion for the rest of your lives together, not his mother and sister.

I hope this helps =~)
Nah...alope with your boyfriend, problem solved.
this is the thing....this is supposed to be the happiest day of ur life and if u arent happy then thats realllly not good at all. one get ur soon 2b sis and mother in law and sit them done and talk to them kindly ((not to hurt there feelings)) and tell them that u would like to get other utensils for ur wedding. u should inform them that they are a very important part of ur new life and u want to share it is just that u dont like the untensils. they arent u. talk w/ hubby about how u feel
it's not wrong at all because they are usually like that. I personally would first talk to my fiance and then we could go talk to her together about getting some new accesories and ask her to stop interfering where you didn't need her.
To be honest it is a little obnoxious of her to go out with your future sister in law and select items that you should select yourself. I don't understand it! Its very nervy of her. What you can do is be honest with her. Tell her that you appreciated the wedding accessories, but it is not really what you had in mind to select and you would like to return them and pick out what you really wanted. You have to let her know that you are not a patsy right in the beginning, otherwise she will be manipulating and controlling your life. She may be insulted, but that is just too bad...Sorry, but she should have consulted you, offered to pay, but should have asked you to come along and pick out what items you liked.
That's it, your wedding is officially doomed. You do not have the right accessories,........ you might as well just give back the ring and call the whole thing off....

Seriously though, as long as it is not intolerably tacky, and you did not have to pay for any of it, I don't think it is too much of a problem.

But then again, it might have been nice if they had included you in their decisions, seeing how it is your wedding, not theirs.

If you are feeling really miffed about it, you ought to respectfully tell them, that you appreciate that they are only trying to help. But you are certainly old enough to pick out things for your own wedding. Then Go and buy things that *you* like, with *your* money.

Tell them that you care about them, but you don't deserve to be treated like a child.

Don't let your new inlaws walk all over you. You need to exercise the dying art of being polite and caring, yet assertive.

Congratulations, btw.....good luck.

~Donkey Hotei
its YOUR wedding...pick out what you like. Just politely tell her that it is not your style and if you can take them back. You sister in law shouldn't be picking out the accessories for you. She can tell you ideas but I would leave it at that.
It is a nice thing she was trying to do for you, but it is not THEIR wedding. You need to talk to them %26amp; let them know you appreciate them wanting to help you out %26amp; everything, but you have other ideas in mind. I suggest you do it soon or you'll end up unhappy at your wedding day.
Not at all.This is your wedding.You need to put your foot down now.You need to be heard.Those items are for you,your wedding.You will be the one who keeps them after the wedding so it should be what you want.If you have to much of a hard time talking to your in laws just tell them they can keep what they bought and save it for someone Else's wedding because You will be picking out stuff for YOUR OWN wedding.Its better to get it out in the open before you get married.Than everyone will know where they stand.Please don't let her walk all over you.Stand your ground.Its all about YOU.Good luck and congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...